Guilt Of Love
by Hunter365
Summary: Ryan has been acting weird ever since the Wildcats became Back-To-Back Champions. Troy is very curious and wishes to know what is it that is bothering the Drama King. Read on to find out the journey where Troy has to make choices in order to save his friend, and could a new romance emerge from this, or would it end in tragedy? Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**Pairing:** **Troy X Ryan**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own High School Musical and its characters.**

 **A/N: Hi there! I'm currently putting my Narnia story on hold as I suddenly have an inspiration to write this story after re-watching HSM trilogy for 3 days straight. Kinda crazy but oh wells, here's a story for you to read.**

 **Set in HSM 3, with twists of course.**

 **Warning: There could be some self-harming in the future, so M-rating, just in case.**

 _ **Enjoy the story!**_

Ryan Evans, the Drama Geek, walks into the front door of East High on Monday morning. As usual, the Wildcats were still celebrating alongside the school after becoming Back-to-Back Champions for the Basketball team in East High. There was just no way Ryan can make his way to his class with such a rowdy crowd like this. So, he uses his shortcut back to his Home room through the backdoor at the auditorium. That way was definitely much faster and peaceful. Peace. Something that Ryan has not been getting anywhere lately. Sure, he enjoyed donning the Wildcat Mascot during yesterday's game because he was able to be near his only meaning in life. A certain individual whom he lives for.

Ryan continued walking silently to his Home room. The moment he reached the room, a sudden screech was heard throughout the whole corridor.

"RYAN! Where were you? Why didn't you wait for me?" asked Sharpay with a voice on a higher octave than usual.

"Sorry sis, I needed to use the bathroom," Ryan lied.

Sharpay shrugged it off and made her way into the classroom and quickly conversed with the other people in the class. Ryan noticed that the class was a little empty, but he figured that everyone was busy celebrating the victory of the Wildcats, so they would probably stroll in together in a large group. Ryan casually went to his seat and prepared for his first class. He took out his textbooks and writing materials. But, when he tried to lift his heavy Math textbook, his arms hurt, causing him to wince in pain and dropping his textbook on the floor. He quickly regained his composure and reached out to grab his book, a hand had already grabbed it and handed it to him.

"Here ya go," said Troy.

Ryan took the book from Troy's hand and thanked him. Troy and Ryan both quickly got ready as Mrs. Darbus walked into the room, continuously rambling on about the beauty of art as usual. The period went on as per usual, with Taylor talking about the yearbook and Sharpay talking about the Spring Musicale. Amidst all that jazz, Ryan stared at the brunette from a far and found peace while he's at it. Suddenly, Mrs. Darbus announced that Kelsi had signed the whole class up for the Spring Musicale in order to avoid it becoming a Sharpay Show, again. The bell rang, signaling the free period and everyone rushed to go after Kelsi as Ryan slowly got up and walked in their direction as well.

Everyone agreed to do the musicale after Troy agreed to it as a result of Gabriella's persuasion. Although Ryan did find it peculiar that Troy was offered a Julliard Scholarship, but he just shrugged it off, knowing that he is probably given an opportunity as a result of his efforts in the Winter Musicale. It was French class and suddenly he noticed that his forearms had red stains on it. He quickly took out his jacket and a black accessory bag from his school bag and went to the bathroom after granted permission by Mrs. Grant.

However, Ryan did not go to the bathroom. He went to his usual spot in the auditorium which is only known to Ryan. He began removing his shirt, leaving him in his black shirt that he was wearing underneath. The removal of his shirt was painful as his wounds began bleeding again. Ryan quickly removed his bandages and cleaned up the wound before bandaging it up again. He felt the pain the entire time but he didn't mind as it was a daily routine for him. After he tidied up the place and placing the stained shirt in a plastic bag, he put on his jacket that he had brought along and quickly made his way back to class and re-joined the lesson.

After a couple of lessons, it was time for lunch. Ryan only have classes with Sharpay after lunch on every Mondays. He bought his food and sat with Sharpay and the rest. Ryan began conversing with everyone like nothing ever happened. The day went on until 5 pm. After a hectic day of lessons and meetings with Mrs. Darbus, Ryan and Sharpay prepared to go home and his sister was the one who would be driving. Suddenly, she stopped and said that she left something in the auditorium, prompting him to go and wait for her by the car. As he made his way to her car, he was knocked over and he fell to the ground.

"Gosh, I'm so sorry dude. I was in a rush and I didn't see you there," Troy said as he pulled Ryan back up on his feet.

"So, what are you doing here this late?" asked Troy

"Oh, just discussing about the Spring Musicale with Sharpay and Mrs. Darbus"

"I see, must be kinda exciting eh? Last performance together, sharing the stage as seniors about to graduate High school"

"Hmph, tell me about it. So, what's your reason for staying back this late?" asked Ryan.

"Well, I was just finishing up my basketball practice and I had some other business to attend to," said Troy.

Ryan was about to ask about the nature of his business, until a certain brunette girl came running to our direction, more specifically Troy's direction. It was Gabriella. Of course, his other business would be making love to his girlfriend in school, at the back of the school gymnasium. They thought that no one would notice it but Ryan obviously noticed it as he used to go there to treat his wounds, until the both of them began having sex there weekly. Gabriella waved her hands in front of Ryan's face and he quickly snapped out of his thoughts. Ryan gave a quick smile before wishing them a good evening and quickly went to Sharpay's car, with Sharpay already inside looking annoyed.

"Where were you?" asked Sharpay.

"Troy bumped me by accident at the door, so that's why I was late," explained Ryan.

Sharpay just nodded and began driving. They were both silent the whole time.

It was already 9pm and everyone in the Evans' Household had already fallen asleep, all except for Ryan. Ryan couldn't sleep. His thoughts were still clouded with jealousy, sadness, and many other negative emotions. He got up and made his way to the bathroom. He opened the medicine cabinet and took out a bottle of painkillers that he takes whenever he feels hurt, emotionally or physically. After downing a couple of caplets, he took out the razor and sat down on the floor and placed the blade on his skin. He began sobbing silently and in his heart, he repeatedly say,

"I'm sorry for doing this Troy, but I have to."

He then began cutting his forearms and gave each arm 5 cuts. He endured the pain to the point where he feels numb. He just sat on the floor letting the blood flow. After he feels satisfied with the pain he feels, Ryan then got up and began washing the wounds and the blade, before patching himself up. He also made sure to leave no traces of this every time he does it so that no one would suspect a thing. He could only feel the sadness and guilt filling his head as he slowly made his way back to his bed and ultimately falling into a deep slumber.

 _Meanwhile at the Bolton's Household_

Ever since he returned the book to Ryan, Troy couldn't help but feel that something is wrong with Ryan. The way he acted and his posture did not seem right, but he was doing fine yesterday while dancing as the school mascot.

'Maybe he is just sore from all that dancing,' thought Troy.

Troy shrugged it off and opened up his phone to see Gabriella texting him. The both of them went on texting until 10 pm, when Gabriella had to go due to her mother's strict phone rule. They both wished each other goodnight and Troy put down his phone and was suddenly drowning in his own thoughts. Troy's mind was again drawn towards Ryan. He hated the fact Ryan was occupying his mind, but indeed there was something about him that bothered him. It was not because Ryan seemed gay but, the way he has been acting. Ryan's behavior has changed from the time at Lava Springs and now. There was this gut feeling in him that tells him that Ryan is doing something to himself but the question is what? However, Troy decided that there isn't any point in bothering himself with that. So, Troy snapped out of it and quickly got ready for bed. After switching off his table lamp, he quickly fell asleep.

 **A/N: I kinda wanna go slow with this story as compared to my previous story. This is much easier to write since I've already got this planned out fully. So, do leave reviews!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Pairing: Troy x Ryan**

 **A/N: This is Chapter 2 of this story. Hope ya enjoy!**

 **Warning: There would be other unplanned rated stuff happening in this chapters and future chapters as well. Be warned.**

 _ **Enjoy the story!**_

"BZZT BZZT BZZT" the 6.30 am alarm rang.

Troy rummaged his hands on the table to turn the damn thing off. Luckily, he did. Troy sat up on the side of his bed and scratched his head before going to the bathroom to have a quick shower before he dressed up for school. After getting ready, he went down to see his dad and mum already eating their breakfast. His dad wished him good morning and offered him a ride to school since they were both headed the in the same direction. Troy politely refused and quickly grabbed a piece of toast after chugging down his glass of Orange juice. He made his way to his truck and began driving to school. Once he parked it, he casually made his way into the hallways of East High where he was greeted by Chad, Zeke and Jason. The four of them joked and laughed as they made their way into the Home room. There, they were then greeted by Gabriella, Taylor and Kelsi who were just discussing about the Spring Musicale.

As they were all having fun and conversing with one another, Troy noticed Sharpay walking in, but strangely, Ryan was not with her. Troy found this very peculiar but his train of thought was disrupted with Gabriella's kiss on his lips. He kissed her back which made Chad say,

"Go get a room love birds, no one wants to see two pubescent lovers smooch here, even though this class is indeed fine with it"

"I could say the same to you Chad, only difference between us is that you do way more than French kissing eh," Troy retorted, which caused Chad and Taylor to blush and the rest to burst out laughing. Amidst all that joy, Troy noticed Ryan walking into the class, looking down, almost as if like he was depressed. However, Kelsi called out his name which made Ryan change that sad-looking face into a bright and cheerful facial expression.

Troy thought that Ryan's sudden change of facial expressions were weird, but as what he said last night, he would not want to bother himself with it, but now part of him want to uncover the mystery behind Ryan Evan's sudden change badly. However, he figured he should leave that alone first and then the bell rang.

Lessons went on as usual until lunch came. Large masses of students rushing down to the cafeteria to have a New York Deli and the Strawberry Parfait for lunch. Truth be told, Troy was looking forward to that meal as he loves parfait, especially strawberry. He bought his food and sat down with the rest of the gang. Everyone was talking and discussing about what was the objectives for the preparation for the musicale later during the free period later. As they were busy conversing, Troy noticed that Sharpay was sitting alone with the new English servant of hers at the table opposite of theirs. Ryan, however, was missing from the table. Troy assumed that Ryan was just going to the men's room, so he continued on enjoying his parfait. When lunch ended, Troy realised that Ryan did not sit at the table at all, but there wasn't any hints or traces of worry on Sharpay's face. At this point, Troy was about to ask Sharpay about Ryan when Ryan suddenly popped up out of nowhere and was headed towards the direction of the latter' twin sister.

'Okay, this is just too damn weird… Why am I even bothered about him?' thought Troy. He then proceeded to head to his class. And, the day went on until the free period. Troy proceeded to the auditorium to begin their practice for the musicale. When he reached the theatre, Gabriella came running to him and gave him a small kiss on the cheek. Mrs. Darbus had already begun to order everyone around and she instructed Troy to go with Ryan to pick up some boxes of old equipment from the storage area.

 _Ryan's Point of View:_

" _Ryan, you and Troy go to the storage and get the boxes down here," said Mrs. Darbus._

 _I gulped at that instruction. I turned around to see Troy already heading towards my direction, instructing me to follow him. I hesitantly followed him from behind, ensuring that the distance between me was just appropriate enough. My heart was beating faster and I am struggling to breathe. This moment of being alone with the Troy Bolton, whom everyone adores and my secret crush, is too hard for me to process. But then again, I can't keep on thinking about him like that. Its wrong. All of my feelings for him are wrong._

" _Hey Ryan, need a little help here" said Troy._

 _I snapped out of my thoughts and drew my attention to Troy who seemed to be having trouble with the heavy boxes of God-knows what. So, I quickly rushed to his side and attempted to lift up one of the boxes myself, but all of a sudden, the moment I lift up the medium-sized box, my forearms were in excruciating pain and I dropped the box, causing a loud thump echoing throughout the room._

Troy looked at Ryan who was groaning in pain, and quickly dropped his box on the floor and rushed to Ryan's side.

"Are you okay? What happened?" asked Troy, sounding really concerned.

"Don't worry, my hands just cramped up the moment I lifted the box up…Its nothing much really, don't worry about me, I'll be fine," said Ryan, reassuring Troy.

Troy just nodded in agreement, but his heart is still telling him that Ryan is hiding something from him. He noticed that Ryan has been gripping his forearms ever since and he is determined to find out what is it that the blonde is hiding. Troy immediately got back to lifting the boxes and told Ryan that he could handle it and proceeded to head back to the auditorium as quickly as possible in order to avoid Mrs. Darbus's wrath. Ryan felt ashamed that he could not be of use. Ryan followed Troy back, looking down the whole time as he felt useless. He was internally cursing himself while maintaining a straight face.

'Why do I just have to get the pains at the wrong timing. URGH…Fuck it all, Goddamn it Ryan, why can't you just stop loving Troy Bolton. He's never going to love you back. Just fucking forget him already'

Troy noticed that Ryan was extremely quiet the whole time they were together. Luckily, they had reached the auditorium where as expected, the both of them were reprimanded for taking too long. After the shelling of words, the two of them just went back to their respective positions to practice. During the whole practice session, Troy could not get Ryan out of his mind. He knows that something is wrong with him but he can't figure out what it is.

'What the fuck is wrong with me? Why am I so bothered by Ryan so much? I should be more worried about Gabriella and myself first rather than him. Jeez'

And so another day of school ended. Everyone dispersed into their own group of friends, but ever since Twinkle Towne, everyone has been mixing around with each other which increased the diversity of everyone's friendship circle. Since Troy was no longer going to be part of East High Basketball team, he and the rest of the seniors need not attend practice anymore, which means that he had free time after school to rest and practice for the Spring Musicale, but they decided to not hold a session today since everyone was exhausted.

Troy walked towards his locker where he was greeted by Gabriella and the gang. As usual, everyone would be talking about their days and all of the gossips, and since they are seniors now, they control the gossips going around school too, mostly by Taylor since she loves it despite being a nerd. Despite him laughing alongside everyone, Troy was still bothered by Ryan but his head shot up when Jason mentioned Ryan's name.

"Yo, any of yall noticed that Ryan has been a quiet guy ever since we won that Championship?" asked Jason.

"Yeah, I kinda noticed that too but meh, maybe he's just bothered by Queen Sharpay," said Zeke, obviously in love with her.

"And I noticed he's been going to the bathroom, bringing a bag and always changing shirts when he came back. Talk about a fashionista!" Kelsi said, obviously attempting to make a joke.

Troy listened on as his friends laughed at Kelsi's remark, but his facial expression was just one that showed concerned and worried. This caught Gabriella's attention, and she quickly made an excuse and pulled Troy aside. Troy, being lost and confused could not say anything.

"Are you okay Troy?" asked Gabby.

"I…Yes, I am…" said Troy

"Are you sure?"

"Yes…Wait, actually no. No, I'm not okay Gabby."

Gabriella gave a concerned look, which prompted Troy to tell her everything that happened at the storage area and also what he felt about the whole situation. Gabriella listened on and realised how serious the situation was. She too began to worry for her friend whom she befriended at Lava Springs during the summer. The both of them decided to go and ask Sharpay, even though it is suicide. So, the both of them went to search for Sharpay, hoping that she is still in school. They roamed around the school hoping to see Sharpay, and for half an hour, they both roamed aimlessly. However, the moment they were about to give up their search, Sharpay emerged from the restroom located near their homeroom.

"Sharpay, hold up," Troy said as he and Gabby ran over to the Ice Queen.

Sharpay stopped and turned around, not looking surprised at all, but more to being amused.

"What do you want?"

"We just wanna know if there is anything wrong with Ryan? He has been acting rather strange lately and it is kinda worrying both me and Troy. We were hoping that you would have a clue about it." asked Gabriella.

Sharpay was silent, trying to think.

"Please Sharpay, he could be in trouble," pleaded Troy.

"Okay, to be honest with my you, Ryan has been acting weird too. But, what troubled me the most was hearing him cry at night. Me being me, I don't sleep as early as 10, like that's not my style. So, I would sometimes try to go into Ryan's room to gossip with him. But lately, he has been sleeping early which doesn't seem normal to me but okay fine whatever. However, there was once or twice I heard him crying the bathroom while softly saying, 'I'm sorry Troy',"

At this point of the story, the couple had dropped their jaws, but they are not willing to interrupt as they still needed to know the rest of the story.

"So, I have been meaning to talk to you Troy because this somehow gives me the impression that the problem has something to do with you. But, before you say anything, I need to let you see this,"

Sharpay unlocked her phone and proceeded to show Troy and Gabriella a picture which put the both of them in shock. The picture was of blood stains on the toilet floor and sink, although it wasn't that obvious, it was clear enough for them to know it is blood. Troy could not say a word because he is still trying to digest all of the new information which he had just been fed by Sharpay.

"Is it possible that…that he self-harms?" asked Gabby, sounding very worried.

Sharpay nodded hesitantly as she too is wondering if her twin brother is in fact harming himself. She looked at Troy again now, with a pleading look.

"Please, help Ryan. If he has been apologising to you so much silently in his bathroom, then please go and find out what he had done wrong to you Troy. You are the only one who can help him now," pleaded Sharpay.

Troy could only say, "Okay".

Troy was shocked beyond reason. He could not stop thinking about Ryan's forearms which he had been holding onto since the incident in the storage room. With that response, Sharpay parted ways with them, while Gabriella and Troy made their way back to Troy's truck. The whole drive back to Gabriella's place was a silent one. When they reached the front yard of Gabby's house, Troy just bid Gabriella goodbye and gave her a kiss on the cheek before driving back home. The moment he reached his garage, he quickly made his way upstairs to his room, ignoring his mother's greeting too. He then laid down in his bed, just staring on the ceiling, as if trying to find a silver lining. He just can't believe what Sharpay had just told him. Only one question kept on running in his mind throughout the whole time since he parted ways with Gabriella,

"What did you do to me to make you hurt yourself as a form of apology? What is it Ryan?"

 **A/N: I know this chapter does not really have any climatic moments but don't worry, we will get there soon. Now that we know Sharpay knows about Ryan's secret, what would she do? And what would Troy do? Please Review! Thank you!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Pairing: Troy X Ryan**

 **A/N: Here's chapter 3 of the story. Enjoy!**

 **Warning: M-Rating just in case.**

That same night in the Evans' Household

Ryan was just doing his own activities as usual. Since tomorrow is Saturday, he could stay up later than usual to relax. He was busy reading a literary text for his Literature Class. Despite him enjoying the beauty of reading literary texts, he doesn't seem to have the mood for such delicate activities tonight. All Ryan wanted to do was to forget what had happened at the storage room earlier in the day just now. He felt so ashamed that even till now, he feels as if he is worthless and useless. His self-esteem was so low that all Ryan could feel were his own insecurities crawling under his own skin.

So, he immediately slammed the text onto his study desk and proceeded to make his way to the bathroom in order to release all of the tension. However, just when he was about to enter the bathroom, Sharpay walked in. At first Ryan was puzzled by his twin's sudden appearance, but then as Sharpay notioned for him to sit with her on his bed, he began to tense up while maintaining his composure. The both of them sat beside each other silently, but Sharpay decided to break up the awkward silence between them.

"So, Ry, how was your day today?"

"Fine I guess, as always some hiccups with the musicale but oh well, I'm sure we'll get through it"

"Alright, tell me something, you know about the rumours about you being gay right? The one where they sai-"

"Don't worry about it Shar. That doesn't bother me because I know it isn't real. Its just whispers in the wind, it'll die down soon"

Sharpay wanted to retort by asking her brother more questions but seeing as to how Ryan was quick to reply to her question despite it not being asked, she knows that Ryan probably didn't want to talk about it. So, she just nodded and wished him good night before exiting his room. In her heart, she believes that only Troy could save her beloved twin brother from whatever it is that's bothering him.

The moment Sharpay left, Ryan loosened up and sighed in relief. He realised that his mood to go and release his stress was lost due to Sharpay coming into his room. Although it is good that she prevented him from causing harm to himself, the thought of him not being able to feel numb irritates him. So, he downed a couple sleeping pills he has in his drawer and fell deep into slumber.

The next day

Ryan woke up from his drug-induced sleep and he sat up on his bed, scratching the back of his head as he looked at the clock which says 9 am. As usual, he would get ready for the day as it is custom for the Evans' Twins to dress up as it is only natural for them to do so. He cleaned himself up and donned on his 'Weekend Outfit' which consists of a white short sleeved shirt with brown cargo pants. As he finished getting ready, he turned on his computer as the weekends were the only time he had to use it. When he opened up his chatroom, he noticed that he had received a new message from someone named, TBolton08. Ryan gulped and opened up the chat to see what Troy had sent him.

 **TBolton08: Hey Ryan, just wanted to ask if you are alright after the storage room. Can we talk here? I am kinda bored hehe.**

Ryan read the message and it made his heart skip a beat. He cannot believe that Troy Bolton was asking about his well-being and even the very fact that Troy was worried about him was mind blowing. As he struggled to contain his excitement, he suddenly remembered that he shouldn't be too happy about it. However, he still replied Troy's message.

 **RyanE90: Hey Troy! Yes, I am fine. Don't worry about it, just muscle cramps haha. Anyway sure, I wouldn't mind having a chat with you dude.**

As soon as Ryan hit enter, his heart began pounding harder and he was starting to regret his decision to reply but it was just a too good of an opportunity to miss. The moment Ryan was about to go offline, he received a message from Troy, and his excitement returned and began chatting with the brunette.

 **TBolton08: I see, well if anything does come up, do tell someone! How is your day going so far? Got any plans or sumthing?**

 **RyanE90: Nope, not really. I wasn't really planning to go out today; no mood I guess…**

 **TBolton08: Ah I see, well wanna hang out with me today?**

Ryan had stopped breathing already. He can't believe that Troy Bolton had just invited him over to hang out with him. Amidst his heightened excitement, he managed to type out a "panic-mode" message.

 **RyanE90: Sure! I'd love to hang out with you Troy. Thanks for the invite. See ya in about 15 mins? Alright bye!**

 **TBolton08: Sure dude, see ya!**

With that, Ryan hauled ass and quickly got to his car and started it. Its at these kind of situations where he thanked his twin sister for the ridiculous custom of dressing up even though there would be nothing on for the day. However for today, Ryan had plans with Troy. As soon as the car had warmed up its engines, Ryan drove as fast as he could in order to reach there on time. After what seems to be more than fifteen minutes of driving, Ryan had finally reached Troy's house. He got out of the car and nervously made his way to the door, and knocked on it a couple of times until Troy himself opened it.

 _Ryan's POV_

 _Oh my god, Troy looks so hot with his denim jeans and red flannel shirt. His hair that's just perfectly coiffed although he didn't do that. All of my dreams were in front of me but I had to remember that Troy was inviting me as a friend, so I suppressed all of my feelings for the boy as much as possible and acted natural. He welcomed me to his humble home, it looked nice with decent decorations. Mr. Bolton greeted me before going about his own business. Troy brought me upstairs up to his room. There we both decided to play some card games and board games for an hour. As soon as we got bored, I noticed that he had a guitar, so I decided to ask him about it._

" _Hey Troy, you can play the guitar can you?"_

" _Yeah, but I don't play much, only when I am bored"_

" _I see"_

 _I felt a little awkward all of a sudden and I noticed that Troy felt the same too. However, during the past hour I was with Troy, I feel as if he had something he had wanted to talk about but he couldn't bring himself to do so. I decided to leave that idea alone in order to avoid jeopradising his friendship with his crush._

 _Troy's POV_

 _Fuck, how am I going to get him to spit it out. He doesn't act like he's bothered by me. Instead, he seems to enjoy this moment right now. But then again, I need to get to the bottom of this. This problem that involves me without me even knowing that I'm involved. I just need to figure out a way to start a deep conversation with him. Although there is a method which I could use, it would seem like a dick move to do so._

' _No, I can't play with his feelings just to know what the fuck is going on, but right now, it seems like the only way for me to do so'_

" _Troy? Troy?"_

 _I snapped out of my thoughts and I looked up, trying to discard whatever thoughts I had earlier on._

" _Wanna go out and eat? I'll treat you if you don't mind?" said Ryan, in a pleading tone while giving a small yet gentle smile._

" _Sure, lunch sounds great to me!" I exclaimed._

 _I am so glad that Ryan offered to go for lunch, or else, I'll be doing something I regret doing._

 **A/N: I'm sorry for the late update but I was having a major writer's block and it was killing me. However, I have already mapped out some outlines of the upcoming chapters, so I guess I'll be working on this story based on those outlines. Thanks again for reading and please Review!**


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